Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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