A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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