Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
