No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Four minutes until I can fart!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
