u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
