check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
