I must be too annoying 4 u.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
