You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
