Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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