I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
