i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
