i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize