yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
