i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
