so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
