We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
