you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
