can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize