This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
