Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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