I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
