come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
