i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
