I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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