You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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