Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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