woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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