i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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