when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
