he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
