Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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