I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
