So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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