my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
