im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
