Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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