And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
