actually, I'm a sock model
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
