Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
