I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
