My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
