I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
