I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize