what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
