Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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