i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize