I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
