Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
