yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
