it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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