If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
