Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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