I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am naked and annoyed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
