K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize