is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i've created a new STD.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
