I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
