I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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