What a fucking waste of an outfit
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
