I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
