as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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