the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
