I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
