think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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