You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
