There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
