it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
