I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
