do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize