Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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