Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
