Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
