kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
