Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize