I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
