Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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