hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
