No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she told me i tasted like america
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize