Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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