Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize