Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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