laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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