I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
