dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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