Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
