so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
