yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
