WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
