last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
