I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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