____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
