my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
