Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
