If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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